Breast Cancer
The diagnosis of cancer itself is a huge challenge to women, their bodies, minds and souls. Through the stressful time of diagnosis and testing, many women find that their desire for sex completely vanishes; in an attempt to make sense of what is happening, many women go into �survival� mode and get to appointments and take care of family life, but just barely. Sex is the last thing on their minds and this is completely normal. Other women find that at this time of uncertainty, the connection with their partner and with life itself, is enhanced by increased sexual activity which provides comfort and pleasure at a time of great anguish. Women get through the treatment phase and often report that this is the time when their sexuality is most affected. They have to get used to the sight of new scars, loss of hair, loss or gain in weight, nausea and fatigue, all of which may result in an altered body image. Long term medications to prevent recurrence (such as tamoxifen and arimidex) may affect daily life with hot flashes and dry vaginal tissues. During the recovery process and the road to survivorship, women need to re-establish their view of themselves and integrate what they have been through and what they have become as a result of the cancer experience.
Some women find that their body image is radically changed even if they have lumpectomy or reconstruction. They say that they did not anticipate how different the affected breast would look or feel and many are disappointed with the results. Another thing that they may not have expected is the difference in sensation of the affected side. Many women experience heightened sensitivity of the skin over the scar or chest wall. Some women may have gone through the experiences described above. And many will have found a way to regain vitality, both in everyday life and in their intimate sexual lives. Here are some suggestions for those of you who may be looking for a way to reconnect with your partners during and after the cancer experience.
Firstly, communication is the most important part of sexuality. You need to tell your partner what you are thinking and feeling and be honest, even if there is a risk that you will say something that he/she would prefer not to hear. If you communicate honestly, there is a risk that you may hurt his/her feelings. However, if you do not, you run the risk of hurting yourself in that your expectations will not be met. This in turn hurts your partner as he/she is not given the opportunity to truly understand your feelings. Secondly, the brain is the biggest sex organ and through the use of your imagination and creativity, obstacles can be overcome. Sex requires effort and energy and sexual thoughts early in the day can help fire up the desire for sex later in the day. Set the scene for intimacy with candles, clothing that enhances your sense of self (a man�s dress shirt can be much sexier � and much more comfortable- than a underwire bra!), and music and lighting that increases your confidence and stimulates all your senses. Arousal or excitement is part imagination and part physiological. Lubrication is an important part of arousal and there are medications and other treatments that can reduce vaginal dryness that may make sexual activity uncomfortable. Sexual activity is broad in both its definition and application and this is a good time to experiment with what feels good and what alternative activities are possible if intercourse is painful or not desirable. Don�t think of foreplay as something that must end in intercourse. Treat it as a delicious part of a broad range of sexual pleasure. You don�t eat dessert after every meal so why should intercourse always follow foreplay? Perhaps we should not even use the word �foreplay� which suggests that something must come after�..
The importance of a sense of humour cannot be underestimated; some activities will be pleasurable and others will make you smile or even laugh out loud. None of us is the same as we were at twenty or even thirty and it is our sense of humour and the ability to share laughter with our intimate partners that has helped us to accept those changes and who we have become.